Embryo Update

It's weird - I am not a phone person at all, but the last 2 days, I've been sitting waiting for my phone to ring like an awkward middle-schooler hoping to be asked to the dance. Obviously yesterday was like I got a call from one of the popular guys, in terms of excitement level. Today was no different. Today I found out that the 2 eggs that were fertilized yesterday have grown to 2 and 4 cell embies.  Of the 2 eggs that matured overnight and were inseminated, one was confirmed fertilized this morning, and the other was pending fertilization.  They are going to call me tomorrow with another status update. I freaking love status updates.

And Then There Were Four.....

So apparently good things come in fours as well..... today I got the call that I had been waiting for from the RE - they actually retrieved FOUR eggs. Two of them were mature, were inseminated yesterday, and fertilized! As of today, they were growing normally. I still can't even type those words without getting tears in my eyes. As for my other two eggs, well, so far they're champs too. They weren't mature yesterday when they were retrieved, but matured overnight, were inseminated this morning, and I should get a call tomorrow letting me know whether they fertilized and are growing.

As crazy as it sounds, I am constantly in awe of how completely blessed we have been along this journey.  I wouldn't wish infertility on anyone, the pain, both physical and emotional is gut-wrenching.  There are no words to describe it. And even though this isn't how we planned to start our family, I've learned so much. First, that I am so much stronger than I think. Just try telling me I can't do something now.  Second, my marriage has been tested on so many levels, and we're more in love now than we we've ever been. We're not going anywhere. Finally....Life isn't fair. But sometimes the injustice of it helps us grow in ways that ultimately will help us be the kind of people we hope to be.  I wish I could have learned some of these lessons an easier way, but those weren't the cards I was dealt, so now I can just try to accept where  we're at and take away the best that I can from it.

Today I have 2 embryos and tomorrow I may have 2 more. I am SO blessed. When I got the call at work, I broke down in happy tears. My colleague and his wife are also going through IF, and we have connected over the emotional challenges that accompany infertility. Had we not bumped into each other at the RE clinic, we would have never known, but I am so appreciative of the support we are able to offer each other, now that the cat's out of the bag. Today, after I got the call, he saw me in the hallway, and noticed that I was a little emotional. He asked if I was ok, and when I told him that I was just happy because I have 2 embryos, he actually got choked up for me. That's the kind of  support you can only hope for.   I am so SO blessed.

And Then There Were Three...

A lot of amazing things come in threes:

The Hanson brothers, for example.......

The contents of a BLT.....

Wise Men....

   Braids....

And apparently, my eggs. Today was the egg retrieval, and while yesterday I was hopeful that I had 6 good follicles with eggs, I learned that only 3 were retrieved.  This is still completely on par with what is expected  for Mini IVF cycles, but I'd be lying if I said it didn't make me nervous.  I was hoping to have enough that if any were abnormal, or didn't fertilize, that  I would still have plenty to transfer one and have a couple of frosties left over. That's still a possibility of that, but I didn't have the "cushion" I was hoping for.  Tomorrow I get my fert report, and I'm hoping and praying that I'll get good news that they all fertilized and are doing well. They said I can call anytime during the next week to see how they are doing, but they'll call me on Sunday  to let me know how many made it to freeze and what the status was prior to freeze. The 2WW has always  sucked, but I have a sneaking suspicion that this will be worse - it feels like the stakes are higher. 

If all goes well, I get to be completely med free for a few weeks before I go back and learn more about when my embryo transfer will be. If all goes well, I'll  be pregnant in September.

Egg Harvesting and the Bionic Baby?

The last week has been a blur of activity in preparation for my egg retrieval- it feels like things are moving so quickly. Last Sunday, I did my first Bravelle injection, and in the past week, I've done 4 more injections, 5 more doses of Clomid, 4 monitoring appointments, 3 doses of Syranel nasal spray, and am now preparing for my egg retrieval - TOMORROW!

I likely have 6 good eggs, which I am really thrilled about.  I hope that all of them are mature, and fertilize! Typically, with Mini IVF cycles, the egg retrieval protocol is to use Valium in addition to local anesthesia. Because I am terrified of pain, this is the thing that most worried  me about this entire process. Today, the nurse gave me the option of general anesthesia, which is commonplace in conventional IVF cycles, and because I have so many follicles, recommended in my case. It's expensive - $500, but given my fear and the  pain factor  the thought was appealing. Also, they pushed my retrieval back from 10:10am - 12:10pm to give the eggs a little extra bit to mature, which means that with DH's travel schedule, he won't be able to be there. All factors considered, I decided to do the  general anesthesia. Knock me out, I say!

DH and I have tried to keep a sense of humor about things. It's how we operate in daily life, and IF is no different. Yesterday when we were at the  RE there were a couple of women waiting to hear how their embryos were developing. One woman had been talking to the nurse and then came back to the  other. "Welp, 6 of 'em bit the dust right away, but the rest are hanging in there." LOL. Maybe it sounds  crass, but honestly, I appreciate folks that find things to laugh about in all of this. DH and I got to talking and joking about everything. We aren't going to call our baby our little bean or anything similar. We will probably call it our little automaton. Maybe the middle name will be Petri. We can tell people that DH was out of the country when our baby was conceived and let them think about that one....

I'm nervous. I'm exhausted. I'm ready to get this show on the road. 

Mini IVF Protocol Update

Let's kick things off with the obligatory meds shot:

This is the whole shebang, minus the prescription prenatals that my RE prescribed. Chewables, nonetheless!  With a Mini IVF protocol, there are significantly fewer meds, which honestly, was a big part of the appeal for me.

5 days ago, I started Clomid.  While normally, Clomid is given in 5 day stretches, in my case, I'll be doing at least 10 days. Last night, I added in a Bravelle injection, just for funsies - Actually it was absolutely terrible. I had given myself Ovidrel injections before, which were a piece of cake.  They come in a pre-mixed syringe with a teeny tiny needle. While the anticipation of poking myself with a sharp object was never fun, the actual act was a cinch.

With the Bravelle, things were a bit more complicated. First of all, there's mixing involved.  I had to insert the syringe into the diluent and draw it up, and then insert the diluent into the powdered medication and mix.  Then, I needed to draw up the mixed solution, and inject myself. I followed the same process for injecting as with the Ovidrel, but what I didn't realize is  that this needle was a thicker gauge, and instead of sliding it in, there is a certain technique involved, which requires using a quick, dart-like motion to insert the needle. Being ignorant to this technique, I tried to slide the needle in...and it wouldn't go, so here I am, trying to slowly jam the needle in until I finally press so hard that it punctures the skin.....and that's when I started to pass out....

After resting my head on the counter long enough to push the medication in, I made it to the floor where I put my head between my knees until I was confident that I could stand up. I was home alone, so in the back of my mind, I kept imagining someone walking in and finding what looked like a crime scene, with me passed out on the ground, shirt half off, and a needle jammed into me. 

Today was a monitoring appointment with the RE, and as it's still really early in my cycle, the follicles were still small, but everything looked good. Finally, this evening, I got a call telling me what to do for meds going forward and when to come in next.  I was none too pleased when they told me I would need to add Bravelle every day for the next 5 days on top of the Clomid. In fact, I think I did this....

Really, I know I am incredibly lucky that I'm not having to do the 3+ shots per day that come with conventional IVF, but this is still something that takes some getting used to.

This evening was try #2 at the Bravelle.  This time, I had a game plan.  I was going to ice the area, lie down, turn on some ass-kicking music, and incorporate the dart technique. With David Guetta playing in the background, and a fluffy down comforter beneath me, I administered my 2nd shot. Aside from a little snafu that required me to reinsert the needle, it went much smoother this time.  The injection site from both injections hurts pretty bad - kind of like I did a bunch of sit ups, or have bruises, but luckily, Ryan Gosling's ok with how I plan to roll.....

Wish me luck for the remainder of the week!  I go in on Friday for another monitoring appointment, so we'll see how things stand, and hopefully I'll have a better idea of when my ER will be!  Till next time....

Things That Make Me Happy....

In this crazy world of IF, (and now IVF), there are a lot of things that consume my thoughts and make me crazy. Blood draws, RE appointments, meds, ultrasounds, money....sometimes it's really the simple and little things that I need to focus on to find happiness in every day.  Back in my hometown newspaper, there was a section called "Simple Pleasures."  People could write in and share their simple pleasures in life.  Here are some of mine, but I hope you add some of your own too....

Bacon.......bacon can make ANY bad day better. I have a love affair with bacon.

Argo Tea is delicious.  There is a store right by me RE's office, so it's my treat to myself whenever I go in. The Earl Grey Vanilla Creme = heaven. 

My Kindle Fire.  Ok, not necessarily my Kindle Fire itself, but the books on it. I love reading so much - for me, it's a little escape from reality - and I love it.  

Fun socks.  Ok, this is probably more of a fall and winter simple pleasure, but the fact of the matter is that I can be dressed in a nice suit for work, and wearing funky socks and it's sort of a reminder to not take anything too seriously.

But when push comes to shove, sometimes I just need an Angry Orchard. ;)

And some gangta rap.....

Life Goes On.......