Summer Hours & Whatnot

My work has this thing called "summer hours." Yep, it's what it sounds like, in the summer, we get off 3 hours early on Fridays. It is pretty spectacular, and the closer we get to June, the more antsy people get for that extra few hours leading into the weekend.  The last two weeks 2/3's of the staff headed directly to our favorite bar across the street for post-work drinks. Needless to say, it isn't too busy at 3pm on a Friday,which makes for a damn good happy hour. I love summer hours. I love happy hours. I love spending time with my colleagues outside of work. (They are pretty awesome). BUT IUI #4 is on Thursday, and I would gladly sacrifice the  remainder of my summer hour happy hours if this one works.

Today I triggered, and despite being no stranger to giving myself shots, this one was a mess. First of all, it's SYTYCD day, which means that my attention is diverted. I can only function during commercial breaks. As a result, I was an hour late administering my shot. Then, when I went to squeeze the air bubble out of the syringe, I ended up squirting out a short stream of meds. WHOOPS! As I squeezed my stomach fat trying to get a good angle for the syringe, I heard the SYTYCD music come on, indicating that the commercial break was over. I stabbed myself with the needle. GRRR! Bleeding from my stab wound, I had to re-angle the needle and appropriately administer the shot. Thankfully, a crisis was averted because I made it back in time to see the contemporary round. Boom!

A lot is riding on this IUI. If this doesn't work, we are moving on to an IVF consultation. This is like our hail mary - our IUI swan song. I really fricking want this to work. BUT, I am also mentally preparing for if it doesn't.  I feel like I am at a place where if it doesn't, I will be ok.  We aren't at the end of the road yet. There is still hope.  And as time goes on, I feel like I am closer to believing that no matter what happens ultimately, I can be happy.  Prior to infertility, I had never considered a life in which I wasn't a mother. Kids were always a part of the picture. Having to consider the possibility that they may not be was a challenge for me.  I am not at peace with it yet - I haven't accepted it. But I can look ahead down the line and start to believe that even if we live our lives as a family of two, I can be whole in that.