NAIW (Late Publish - Sorry Folks!)

Wow. It's been awhile. It's been one hell of a month.


This week was National  Infertility Awareness Week, which meant a whole lot to me this year.  Last year, I was diagnosed with Unexplained Infertility the week after NAIW. Here I am 365 days later and still dealing with the struggles of infertility. 

This month was supposed to be IUI #3. Long story, but we had to switch to TI, and although I have not moved onto my next cycle officially yet, I am two negative pregnancy tests deep, so I think it is pretty safe to say that I can count on another IUI cycle in the coming days.

This month, I had a meeting with my RE to talk about next steps and what to do if this cycle didn't work. At the time, I was still thinking we would be doing IUI, but this was still my 4th Clomid cycle, and since the RE likes to do things in 3's, he felt like we should switch meds if this cycle didn't work. SO, whenever AF shows up, I will be doing IUI #3.5 with Letrazole.  RE suggested 2 IUI cycles w/Letrazole before moving on to IVF. I am crossing everything that we don't get to that point!

In any case, when NAIW showed up this year, I went back and forth a ton about whether to "come out" about our IF.  I decided to order a necklace as a subtle acknowledgement of our IF,(Ignore the fluffy towel background) but I wasn't sold on doing anything more.

 

However, after talking with some of the ladies on my message board, I worked up the courage to go a little bit more public with our IF. I posted some facts about NAIW on Facebook, and admitted that we are struggling.  While I was nervous about what the response would be I was overwhelmed by the encouragement I received. A few people even emailed me to come out  about their own infertility struggles and thank me for posting.  While I am still expecting an occasional stupid comment, I am glad that I put things out there.  Bit by bit I am feeling a little more free.

 

 

After all of the support, I was feeling as though I was in a pretty good place with things.  Then I got a call that made me realize all over again what a rollercoaster of emotions this is.  My baby sister is pregnant with baby #2.  We started TTC before she had her first.  This baby took her 3 months to conceive, (the 1st was a happy surprise) and while I would never ever wish this struggle on anyone, I sure as shit wish it could be that easy for me.  I'm happy for her, but then I feel incredibly guilty that I had the urge to cry about how unfair it is that I can't be so lucky. It's an awful feeling.

 

Today I tried to relax and soak in the beautiful weather. I had the day off of work, the sun was shining, and I tried to make a conscious effort to do something to be good to myself. I made a nice dinner, I went to a movie, I sat out on my fire escape and read.  I spend SO much time being down on myself, but I feel like I need to spend more time being good to myself.  Hopefully I can get to that place.