Round 3 With the Vag Cam

You know you've had too many appointments with the vag cam, when you make sure your personal grooming coincides with the next time someone will be all up in your hoo-ha. In the last 3 months, I have had no less than 12 sets of eyes on my vagina between the RE's and nurses doing my exams.  That's a lot of fucking pressure to make sure that everything is in order!

Today was my monitoring appointment for IUI #3, and also my chance to talk to the Dr. about what to do now, if things don't work out.  I was a little bit disappointed with where things are at this cycle.  Thus far, I have one 19mm follicle, and 5 follies under 10mm, with my lining only at a 5.5.  I am supposed to use OPK's to see if I surge on my own (I should), and if not, do the Ovridrel injection on Friday for IUI on Saturday. I am trying to think really positively about things and believe that this could be it - that 3 weeks from now I could actually be pregnant. Unfortunately I find my head more frequently wandering to the other scenario, in which three weeks from now, I am meeting with my RE to talk about WTF to do next.

I have two applications sitting around for some programs that would help cover the cost of IVF, and one chance to possibly join a clinical trial that would cover the full cost of one IVF cycle, minus medications and genetic testing. I really, really don't want to get to that point, but then again, I never wanted to be here, 3 IUI's deep either. Bottom line - it isn't fair, and I just need to get used to it.