And Then There Were Three...

A lot of amazing things come in threes:

The Hanson brothers, for example.......

The contents of a BLT.....

Wise Men....

   Braids....

And apparently, my eggs. Today was the egg retrieval, and while yesterday I was hopeful that I had 6 good follicles with eggs, I learned that only 3 were retrieved.  This is still completely on par with what is expected  for Mini IVF cycles, but I'd be lying if I said it didn't make me nervous.  I was hoping to have enough that if any were abnormal, or didn't fertilize, that  I would still have plenty to transfer one and have a couple of frosties left over. That's still a possibility of that, but I didn't have the "cushion" I was hoping for.  Tomorrow I get my fert report, and I'm hoping and praying that I'll get good news that they all fertilized and are doing well. They said I can call anytime during the next week to see how they are doing, but they'll call me on Sunday  to let me know how many made it to freeze and what the status was prior to freeze. The 2WW has always  sucked, but I have a sneaking suspicion that this will be worse - it feels like the stakes are higher. 

If all goes well, I get to be completely med free for a few weeks before I go back and learn more about when my embryo transfer will be. If all goes well, I'll  be pregnant in September.

Egg Harvesting and the Bionic Baby?

The last week has been a blur of activity in preparation for my egg retrieval- it feels like things are moving so quickly. Last Sunday, I did my first Bravelle injection, and in the past week, I've done 4 more injections, 5 more doses of Clomid, 4 monitoring appointments, 3 doses of Syranel nasal spray, and am now preparing for my egg retrieval - TOMORROW!

I likely have 6 good eggs, which I am really thrilled about.  I hope that all of them are mature, and fertilize! Typically, with Mini IVF cycles, the egg retrieval protocol is to use Valium in addition to local anesthesia. Because I am terrified of pain, this is the thing that most worried  me about this entire process. Today, the nurse gave me the option of general anesthesia, which is commonplace in conventional IVF cycles, and because I have so many follicles, recommended in my case. It's expensive - $500, but given my fear and the  pain factor  the thought was appealing. Also, they pushed my retrieval back from 10:10am - 12:10pm to give the eggs a little extra bit to mature, which means that with DH's travel schedule, he won't be able to be there. All factors considered, I decided to do the  general anesthesia. Knock me out, I say!

DH and I have tried to keep a sense of humor about things. It's how we operate in daily life, and IF is no different. Yesterday when we were at the  RE there were a couple of women waiting to hear how their embryos were developing. One woman had been talking to the nurse and then came back to the  other. "Welp, 6 of 'em bit the dust right away, but the rest are hanging in there." LOL. Maybe it sounds  crass, but honestly, I appreciate folks that find things to laugh about in all of this. DH and I got to talking and joking about everything. We aren't going to call our baby our little bean or anything similar. We will probably call it our little automaton. Maybe the middle name will be Petri. We can tell people that DH was out of the country when our baby was conceived and let them think about that one....

I'm nervous. I'm exhausted. I'm ready to get this show on the road. 

Mini IVF Protocol Update

Let's kick things off with the obligatory meds shot:

This is the whole shebang, minus the prescription prenatals that my RE prescribed. Chewables, nonetheless!  With a Mini IVF protocol, there are significantly fewer meds, which honestly, was a big part of the appeal for me.

5 days ago, I started Clomid.  While normally, Clomid is given in 5 day stretches, in my case, I'll be doing at least 10 days. Last night, I added in a Bravelle injection, just for funsies - Actually it was absolutely terrible. I had given myself Ovidrel injections before, which were a piece of cake.  They come in a pre-mixed syringe with a teeny tiny needle. While the anticipation of poking myself with a sharp object was never fun, the actual act was a cinch.

With the Bravelle, things were a bit more complicated. First of all, there's mixing involved.  I had to insert the syringe into the diluent and draw it up, and then insert the diluent into the powdered medication and mix.  Then, I needed to draw up the mixed solution, and inject myself. I followed the same process for injecting as with the Ovidrel, but what I didn't realize is  that this needle was a thicker gauge, and instead of sliding it in, there is a certain technique involved, which requires using a quick, dart-like motion to insert the needle. Being ignorant to this technique, I tried to slide the needle in...and it wouldn't go, so here I am, trying to slowly jam the needle in until I finally press so hard that it punctures the skin.....and that's when I started to pass out....

After resting my head on the counter long enough to push the medication in, I made it to the floor where I put my head between my knees until I was confident that I could stand up. I was home alone, so in the back of my mind, I kept imagining someone walking in and finding what looked like a crime scene, with me passed out on the ground, shirt half off, and a needle jammed into me. 

Today was a monitoring appointment with the RE, and as it's still really early in my cycle, the follicles were still small, but everything looked good. Finally, this evening, I got a call telling me what to do for meds going forward and when to come in next.  I was none too pleased when they told me I would need to add Bravelle every day for the next 5 days on top of the Clomid. In fact, I think I did this....

Really, I know I am incredibly lucky that I'm not having to do the 3+ shots per day that come with conventional IVF, but this is still something that takes some getting used to.

This evening was try #2 at the Bravelle.  This time, I had a game plan.  I was going to ice the area, lie down, turn on some ass-kicking music, and incorporate the dart technique. With David Guetta playing in the background, and a fluffy down comforter beneath me, I administered my 2nd shot. Aside from a little snafu that required me to reinsert the needle, it went much smoother this time.  The injection site from both injections hurts pretty bad - kind of like I did a bunch of sit ups, or have bruises, but luckily, Ryan Gosling's ok with how I plan to roll.....

Wish me luck for the remainder of the week!  I go in on Friday for another monitoring appointment, so we'll see how things stand, and hopefully I'll have a better idea of when my ER will be!  Till next time....

Things That Make Me Happy....

In this crazy world of IF, (and now IVF), there are a lot of things that consume my thoughts and make me crazy. Blood draws, RE appointments, meds, ultrasounds, money....sometimes it's really the simple and little things that I need to focus on to find happiness in every day.  Back in my hometown newspaper, there was a section called "Simple Pleasures."  People could write in and share their simple pleasures in life.  Here are some of mine, but I hope you add some of your own too....

Bacon.......bacon can make ANY bad day better. I have a love affair with bacon.

Argo Tea is delicious.  There is a store right by me RE's office, so it's my treat to myself whenever I go in. The Earl Grey Vanilla Creme = heaven. 

My Kindle Fire.  Ok, not necessarily my Kindle Fire itself, but the books on it. I love reading so much - for me, it's a little escape from reality - and I love it.  

Fun socks.  Ok, this is probably more of a fall and winter simple pleasure, but the fact of the matter is that I can be dressed in a nice suit for work, and wearing funky socks and it's sort of a reminder to not take anything too seriously.

But when push comes to shove, sometimes I just need an Angry Orchard. ;)

And some gangta rap.....

Life Goes On.......

Drumroll Please......

The winner is.....Mini IVF!! I had pretty mixed feelings about both of the different treatment arms, but overall, am really thrilled that this is the route we are going.  My primary fears with conventional IVF were the multitude of shots and the amount of drugs that I would be pumping into my system.  That said, I also appreciated the long history of success with conventional IVF, and the  fact that I would have had a fresh transfer, likely more embryos to freeze, and two transferred. Mini IVF is a different ballgame. While it is relatively new in terms of treatment, the clinic and Dr's I am working with have really pioneered  this technology, so I feel that I am in excellent hands.

The appointment:
Last Tuesday I went in to the clinic at 8:00 am to turn over all of my screening results and medical records from my previous clinic. I also had a blood draw, ultrasound and pap. Dr.Z, the RE who has spent his career researching and perfecting Mini IVF, and who is running the study, is the Dr.who completed  my exam. He was so friendly and made me feel so comfortable, which put my mind at ease going into the randomization.  After all that was done, I went to work and tried to get stuff done for several hours until I was supposed to go back in the afternoon to find out what study arm I would be participating in. Let me tell you - shit wasn't gettin' done. It was a weird situation in which I felt like I was at that stage of drunkenness where I was slap- happy, but sure that serious trouble was right around the corner. Is that just me?

In any case, I went back in the afternoon, and the research coordinator pulled a numbered envelope out of a locked file cabinet, and ceremoniously waved it in the air before slicing it open and pulling out my fate. After learning about my treatment, the research coordinator got me all of my prescriptions for my meds and sent me on my way.

The treatment:
Starting that day, I began birth control pills (which seems hilariously counter-intuitive). I will be taking Generess for 14 days total, and 2 days after my last pill (July 31st), I will go in for another exam and begin  Clomid for 14 days, with the addition of 1-3 Follitism injections.  Beginning at day 10 of my cycle, I will have daily ultrasounds to monitor my follicles and best determine how to time the egg retrieval. When all looks good, I will use Syranel (nasal spray) to induce ovulation, and then will go in with DH to collect a semen sample, and retrieve the eggs. They said this should be around mid-August. Typically with Mini IVF, there are 5-7 eggs retrieved, but the hypothesis is that they are typically of an excellent quality.(Fingers crossed!)

After the eggs are retrieved the embryologist will use ICSI to fertilize each egg with an individual sperm, and the following day, I should get a call letting me know how many eggs were retrieved, and how many were fertilized. They'll then watch the embryos for 5 days to see how they develop and will freeze them on day 5.  After that....I wait. For a whole.stinking.month. Then again, after 32 months, I am pretty sure I can handle it. Once my cycle starts, I'll go in around CD19 for a single embryo transfer. Dr.Z said that he's going to do everything he can to have me pregnant by the end of September!

How I'm Feeling:
Super excited, hopeful and nervous. This 2 week period of  taking BCP's is about as exciting as watching paint dry, but it's the first phase of the process, which is amazing. I haven't been on BCP  since 2009 so I wasn't really sure what to expect for side effects, but essentially the only one I've experienced so far is that my boobs are tender and somehow, gigantic.  I am literally spilling out of my bras and have taken to wearing sports bras  as often as possible.  DH isn't complaining though, so I'll take it. ;)  As  a part of the study I have  to do a  survey every day to note any side effects I am experiencing, and a much longer survey once a week to discuss my physical and emotional condition surrounding treatments. If big tits and feeling like a kid before Christmas is all I have to complain about I think that I am pretty lucky. :)

A Visit From The Good-News Fairy

For real,  I don't know what to do with good news. It's been such a novelty over the last year!  Today I found out that with the IVF clinical study I am participating in, that they will only include one egg retrieval, but up to SIX embryo transfers if the first is not successful. Come again?!  I really really hope we don't need it, but dang it feels  good to have a little bit of a back up plan!

I am only 2 days away from the appointment in which I find out what study arm we are in, and I am trying really hard, but fairly unsuccessfully to keep myself distracted. I worked all weekend, which normally would irritate me, but in this case, I loved it because I had a solid 2 days in which I had to divert my focus towards other things. Tomorrow I am working from home, and also plan to do as much of the last-minute wrap up before Tuesday's appointment as possible.  We are still waiting on the results of my genetic testing as well as both me and my husband's infectious disease blood panels so that I can bring them to the new clinic, and I also have to complete a pre-treatment survey with a research coordinator regarding the stress of infertility and treatments. Stress? What stress??? ::insert maniacal laughter::: Ok, but really.....

And also, this.....

Because come Tuesday, this will be me:

I'm On a Boat.....

Ahoy Mateys. It's been awhile, but I've been busy doing things.....like this.........

And also, kinda like this........

That's right biatches, I've been sailing, on a boat.  As a Pisces, this is essentially a best case scenario.  I love the water. But I can't really swim, and I'm too poor to own anything other than a canoe, so if given the chance, you can bet your bottom dollar I will get my ass on a boat.  In this case, a Presidential Yacht, no big deal.  

Through my work, we were given the opportunity to sail aboard a yacht that served 5 sitting US Presidents, including Truman, Eisenhower, Johnson, and Nixon, but most notably, President Kennedy, who spent a lot of time with his family aboard said yacht.  Yet somehow this broad cruised on it as well.....and will again this weekend!  Seriously, I do not lead a charmed life, but this is pretty epic.

In any case, all the boating has kept my mind occupied a bit, and conveniently OFF the fact that I am T minus 5 days from finding out which study arm I will be in for my IVF study. Say WHAT?  Time flies.  In the past couple of weeks, I have been getting my genetic testing done, getting some additional blood work done, transferring my medical records and my husband's medical records, and trying to prepare for this gigantic leap into the wild and crazy world of IVF.

If I am being honest with myself, there is only one thing that is truly terrifying me at this point, and that is intramuscular injections. The thought of jamming a needle into a major muscle group nearly makes me double over in a fit of hyperventilation and/or vomiting. I have not yet  come to terms with the fact that this may (neigh, WILL) be my reality. Aside from that however, I am just anxious to get this show on the road. 

Aside from being anxious to begin treatments, I am also officially the last man standing. Today I found out that my sister, who has also been struggling with infertility, got her BFP after her second IUI cycle w/injectibles.  I am so thrilled for her, as we started trying at nearly the same time, and I know what a long road it's been.  With absolutely zero insurance coverage, this was their Hail Mary, so I am very grateful that it worked. Her betas were really high so they aren't even going to re-test, just send her in for an ultrasound in 2 weeks. As a status update, my older sister has an 8 year old son, my youngest sister has a 2 year old son and is pregnant and due in December, and now my middle sister is pregnant and due in March. Me, welp, I'm still barren. I am the only one out of my siblings who swept right through her 20's without getting pregnant and  now sits firmly in my 30's still praying for a baby.  I am legitimately happy for my sister's BFP, but damn if I'm not selfish enough to wish that I had the same thing going for me.

5 days.

Then I'm on my way......